Moxie

My favorite aunt has been fighting a long battle with breast cancer.   It's been on and off since 2001.  She has never once complained and has always been so positive.  To be honest, I don't know how she has fought this battle for so long, with such a great outlook and strength. She is my role model.  

That  being said, I am no stranger to cancer.  My mom passed away in 1997 from skin cancer.  She too, had the same outlook that my aunt has.  Never complaining.  Always being so positive.  Always making jokes.  Being so strong in the face of adversity.  

I am so proud to have such amazing women in my life and as my role models.  They truly are my heros.  

In the fifteen years since my mom passed away, I've grown closer with my aunt.  She's been more like a mom to me than an aunt (actually, for my whole life she's been my second mom). It has been so comforting to be able to have that connection to my mom and discover than I am so much like them.  In fact, I strive to have as much strength, intelligence and moxie that they have.  

This past Friday, I discovered that my aunt is very ill and in the hospital.  She doesn't have much longer to live.  At first, I was in shock.  I knew that one day this would happen, but I hadn't really prepared myself for this moment.  After two hours of crying and moping around, I snapped out of it.  My aunt and mom would not want me to be this way. 

 I should focus on the fact that for the past 34 years, I have had such a great relationship with my aunt.  She has always been there for me and we have had such great times together.  How many people have that? Not a lot .  She's always treated me like her daughter and never like a niece.  Since my mom died, she's helped me fill the void that my mom left.  It's not to say, that she replaced my mom, because that's impossible.  She's helped me through the transition period.  She also has given me such great insight into my mom's life.  For this, I am so grateful.  I have no regrets.  I've never had a fight with her and she knows that I love her. 

This past Saturday, my dad and I visited my aunt at the hospital.  It was just what I needed.  One would think that I would hate hospitals, but I don't.  To me it was so comforting to know that my aunt has a team of professionals taking care of her and making her comfortable.  We had such a good time catching up.  It really put me at ease and made me accept the fact that sometime in the near future, I will have to say goodbye to her.  I know it won't be easy, but I am prepared. 

XOXO.Shell.